i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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