marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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