so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
