Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize