I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
