i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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