you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
