He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
