Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
