dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
