Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
