You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
