Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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