for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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