If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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