Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
