I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
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You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
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he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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