Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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