So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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