I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
