I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
