my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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