you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
