then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
