Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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