And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sorry about my life...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
