after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
