I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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