It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
