after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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