the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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