There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
