I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I need a hoe opinion
go on
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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