I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
