I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
