the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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