i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
