I heard we made out
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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