Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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