you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
