he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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