I think I died a long time ago.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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