no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
