so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
