May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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