just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
People in love make me want to vomit
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
