How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
