Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
