a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
