I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
