who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize