Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
