Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
