she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
50% drunk capacity currently
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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