went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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