i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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