Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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