I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
