Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.