If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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