I am puke
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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