Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
