I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
