If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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