you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
