Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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