my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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