isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize