you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
